Forgive us our trespasses....

I try my best to read the daily mass readings each day or night and then I read the excerpt from the Word Among Us (thanks mom for the subscription!) that goes along with the reading for the day.  Sometimes I go weeks without it and sometimes I go weeks with reading it.  Right now I am back on and lately I have been reading in the morning which I find even better - I seem to retain it better.  But I find that my life is better when I am doing my readings and staying close to Jesus. 

This was an excerpt from yesterday "Jesus said to his disciples: "If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgression." - Matthew 6:15

I really began to ponder on this.  You grow up learning to say these prayers by heart but not always do we stop to really listen to the words we are saying to take to heart their meaning.  I've said the Our Father thousands of times over my lifetime but never really thought about this line of the prayer or the true meaning behind it.

It is not always easy to forgive but it is the best thing for your heart.  Nothing is quite as freeing as forgiving someone for something they have done to you.  It doesn't matter how big or small.  Carrying the anger, hurt or resentment will eat at you deeper than any other thing. It will weigh down on your soul and prevent you from being able to fully love.  Forgiving - has been paramount in my life.  We are all sinners and we all make stupid mistakes.  I know I make them daily.  Some are large and some are tiny but still I would want to be forgiven for them.  And thankfully I know that God loves me and will forgive me for my mistakes.... will you?

Moving, moving, moving we just keep on moving...

Here we go again.  Packing up the house and moving two states away for the 4th time in under 3 years.  Yes we are slightly crazy!  The worst part about it this time is the fact that we didn't have but two weeks notice.  Until a week ago I thought we were moving in mid-July.  But we found a place in Lake Saint Louis sooner and now our move date is June 28th! 

I have mixed feelings about moving around so much.  It has been great to get to see some new places and meet some new people.  There have been wonderful things about each place we lived.  Florida in the winter months was wonderful with the beautiful weather and the ability to watch the sunset over the ocean on Christmas night.  Spectacular to say the least.  Being outside all winter enjoying temperatures in the 60's and 70's was lots of fun and the boys and I got a lot of beach time in.

I love the area in Indiana.  The farm lands and the two lane roads with just stop signs.  The slower pace of life.  I love how conservative it is and how everything is centered around family.  People love to be outdoors - biking etc.  The roundabouts make traffic flow smoothly and the weather at times reminds me of our favorite spot in Michigan.  There is a small town atmosphere here that is awesome and it's something I never thought I wanted but ever since we left the big city, I have left without turning back.  I have no desire ever again to live in the city or even that close to it.  In Indiana we are closer to the city than in St. Louis but it doesn't feel that way.  It feels like we are in a small town outside a small city (which in some ways is true).

Certainly each place has had things that we loved but what you miss when you move around are the deeper connections you form with people.  We've met some wonderful people in each place we've lived but it takes more time to create those lasting bonds and friendships.  And in the end those are more important than getting to see all these places.  So I hope that as we start this new chapter back in Missouri that it is the permanent chapter of where we will stay and raise our family.  Missouri is a beautiful place too.  Who would have known I would love the midwest so much?  I guess genes do have something to do with it. 

I have rambled a bit but all is good... now if I can just get the house packed....

Mama bird...

We returned from Spring break to find a nest at our front door.  I love to watch birds and promptly instructed everyone to not use the front door.  What followed was about 4 weeks of watching Mama bird sit on her 3 eggs, her 3 babies hatch, Mama working hard to feed them (and squawking at us when she couldn't get near them), and then her 3 babies leaving the nest.


Of course I had to document this little robin family.  Ran a lot of parallels to my 3 babies and how one day they will leave my nest.  Here are the photos of our robins.

new babies

Getting bigger - lots of feathers 

The day they flew out of the nest.  They were practically laying on top of one another.  All three are still in the nest but you can only see 2 right here with the biggest on top of the smaller two. 

Spring Soccer 2010...

Soccer season started the second week of April. Sammy is on the Tigers and William's team is the white lightening. So far it's been a horrible season weather wise. Every game for Sammy has been 8:30am Saturday morning. It's been cold or raining every time except this past weekend. It was the first beautiful 8:30am game we had. Sammy loves soccer and has made some goals lately (this past Saturday in fact) where even the other teams coach's jaw dropped and congratulated him. He loves it but needs to work on his dribbling and ball control a little more. I think we'll have a lot more games for him!

William has a bit of a wild team. Only one coach and most the kids refuse to pay attention or listen to the coach. Still they go out and have fun. William sort of enjoys it. He tends to lack focus and not always watch what he is doing but does a good job of defending the goal, and passing to team mates. He scores a goal about every game too. I'm not sure how long he'll want to continue. He doesn't seem to love to play but we'll see.

Look what I can do...

No sooner did Alex start crawling but the same day he decided hey I'm going to try and pull up in my crib. He was SO proud of himself as you can see from his smile. He pulls up to his knees on everything now. I suppose it won't be long before he'll figure out how to stand up from there. Can't believe he'll be 1 at the end of the summer. He has gotten a lot more vocal and is so wiggly. He just wants to go go go and explore. It's hard to even hold him sometimes due to his wiggles. The boys have really stepped up and are helping to try to keep little things out of his mouth. We try our best but his mouth has been on things I wouldn't have dreamed of letting William's mouth touch when he was a baby. Now poor Alex has had shoes, dog toys, and all sorts of other things touch his mouth. Oh well... builds the immune system right?

8 Months with milestones galore!

Last week Alex turned 8 months old.  He has been on the verge of crawling for over a month. Getting on his hands and knees and rocking and moving his knees.  Last week he figured out how to pick up his hands while on his knees.  But still no crawling.  Now he has decided to scoot instead and kicks his feet and pulls with his elbows and now for two days has been scooting.  This new found skill is showing just how not baby proofed our house was and I am already longing for the days when he wasn't mobile.  Just today I had to keep moving him away from the cords and plugs under my desk and I put the trashcan up on the table.  But every time I moved him he just scooted right back.  The allure of the wires dangling was just too great!

Also leading up to his 8 month mark it seemed that he was very hungry.  He has always had a strong gag reflux and still no teeth so I just figured solid foods would be a ways away.  But with his increased hunger I decided to just give it a shot.  Turns out he can chew with his gums (gagging only occasionally) and loves the idea of getting big boy food.  So in the past three days I've been feeding him more and more table food.

He is clapping and trying to sign back to me also.  He loves to clap and thinks it's the best thing ever.  I need to get a picture of his big smile when he claps.  Of course one palm is open and the other is a fist but it still counts as clapping in this Mommy's book!

Also his drooling has picked up again which leads me to believe that teeth are not far off either and I'm sure crawling and walking will follow soon too.  Can't believe our precious boy's first year is coming to a close this summer.  He has been a dream baby who seems to be a rock star in all the eyes of this family.  He wakes from a nap and everyone wants to hold and kiss him.  He has no deficit of love - that's for sure!

Drawing from Sammy

This is Sammy's napkin from dinner tonight.  He didn't particularly like the dinner that was served so he was stalling.  So he draws me this sweet picture.  You see him the small person and me the bigger person.  Then our house in the background and our names at the top and bottom.  Then there are this odd symbols.  I asked what they are and from left to right they are: rotten egg, poop, pee, fart, butt, penis, and booger.  Gotta love Sammy - he is all boy!

Mom I'll get you pregnant again...

Just had to note that this is what William said to me tonight.  I'm not sure I remember what Sam and I were talking about that made William say this but he just suddenly says "Mom I'll get you pregnant again."  Sam and I just kind of looked at each other and if you didn't know William or our family you would have thought this was quite the strange comment from a 6 yr old boy.  After a moment of pause between us all I said "you'll say prayers to God again for me to get pregnant?"  The child honestly believes that I got pregnant because he prayed to God asking for a baby (specifically a sister)... and you know what he is 100% right God did give us Alex.  (now if only we can get that gender part right ;-)!

Suck my nose - please!

oh please, please, please stick a bulb syringe up my nose and suck it out -please!!  This is what Alex would say if he could talk.  What a crazy little baby who actually likes to have his nose sucked.  He will lay there all still with this little look on his face that says "this is so cool!"  When I go to take it away from his nose he actually whines and will try to grab it and stick it back to his nose.  I swear this kid is awesome!  We are one lucky family to have him in it.

Not THAT house!

I am afraid that we are becoming the house that will be referred to as "THAT HOUSE!"  What am I to do with these boys and reigning them in so that we don't become that house.  Two days ago I caught both boys pooping (yes you read that right pooping!) outside next to the house.  I can't even begin to tell you how furious I was.  Not that pooping outside is a major offense but there was lying that lead up to this.  Plus how could I have "those boys" that would do something so stupid! 

Needless to say Sammy was literally caught with his pants down and now they are grounded.  Hopefully this long period of being stuck inside while all their friends play outside in this gorgeous spring weather will teach them to not lie and not poop outside.

Sammy ITP update

His last platelet count this week was up to 120.  Almost normal.  We see the hematologist again in two weeks for another blood test.  I think we'll be able to reduce the number of blood tests after that.  Hopefully this has just been a recurrence and not an indication of chronic ITP.

Laundry what a fascinating show...

The only doorway on the main floor of our house besides the bathroom is the laundry room doorway in the main part of our kitchen.  This is where we have hung the jumper that Alex loves to jump in.  Ever since we have hung the jumper (about 4 months ago) he has loved to watch the washing machine.  It's a new front loader.  We are not sure if he actually is watching the wash or if he is able to see his reflection better when the wash is going but he gets so excited and I actually find loads to do so it will entertain him while he jumps.  Who knew laundry was so exciting?

                                                         Here he is back in December

The Barking Butt

Sam and I have always preserved our modesty around one another.  Taking care not to pass gass openly in front of each other if at all possible.  Now that we have this house full of boys the farting noises and poopy talk is rampant.  The past two houses we've lived in I could be upstairs in the bathroom and be able to hear fairly well through the vent system what is going on in the kitchen.  I've heard on a couple of occasions a fart noise and both William and Sammy bust out laughing saying "Daddy tooted!"  So this particular occasion I didn't hear the exact way it went but it was so unique and funny that Sam had to share with me.  Sam of course passed gas (since now he does it around the boys to get a reaction) and one of the boys said "what was that?" and Sammy said "I think it was a barking spider"  and then William says "No I think it was more like a barking butt."  Now even me in my prissiness has to admit that is really funny.  So now it's known in this house as the barking butt!

Houston we have a sitter!

He has been very close for awhile but still needed a bit of help balancing.  In the past week he really has it down and barely falls.  He is so close to crawling too.  He gets up on his hands and feet and rocks back and forth.  He will then lunge forward and fall on his belly.  He'll be 7 months old tomorrow and I'm sure he'll be crawling in the next few weeks or so.  Also today he picked up a puff and put in his mouth for the first time!  First signs of the pincer grasp.  Although he still doesn't care for the texture of the puff - he seemed proud of himself!

House Rules

We have the best intentions as parents but we are human and are not always consistent with our discipline/rules.  Overall it hasn't been a problem.  Our boys are good boys who as a whole tend to do well and listen.  But we have seen a steady decline in behavior (mainly from Sammy).  In an attempt to get things back on track we decided we needed house rules and we need to have consistent punishment for a broken rule.  Sam and I came up with some rules and then the boys and I sat down and wrote them out and they helped tell me what to write and guess as to what the rule should be.  We just did this the other day and are still ramping it up.  Hopefully this will correct some of Sammy's bad habits of back talk, and being disrespectful.  Both boys haven't been the best at doing as told either so that is something else we are going to work on!  Wish us luck and I'll let you know in a few weeks if I'm doing my part (consistency and follow through) and if the boys have improved their behavior.

Sammy and ITP

It all started last year February 18 when Sammy woke up and cried and cried that his neck hurt.  Growing up my Mom had always warned me of meningitis that shows symptoms of a really stiff neck, petechiae, and fever.  So the first thing I did was check his body for petechiae.  He had the little red dots all over his body.  I was really torn as to whether I should take him to the doctor or just give him Motrin and send him to school.  I finally decided to take him in.  We dropped William at school and went straight to the doctor.  Sammy had a cold and cough leading up to this day.  We saw the nurse practitioner and she was instantly concerned.  She found purpura on him and blood blisters in his mouth.  She called the doctor in to check him out too and he confirmed we needed to go downstairs to the hospital for a blood test.  The results came back that his platelets were at 3 which is extremely low and we were sent to Cardinal Glennon Children's hospital and to the cancer center there to meet with the hematologist.  We were told to be prepared to be admitted.  Sam was in Indy at the time and immediately packed up to drive home.  Once at the center they discussed treatment options with us and redid the blood count.  They explained that Sammy had ITP (Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura).  A blood disorder caused by a reaction to a virus.  His body was confused and killing off the platelets mistakenly and that eventually the body would correct itself.  The main worry was that he might have internal bleeding or inter-cranial bleeding if he were to get injured.  The blood test they did came back as 15 so we were told we could go home without treatment and redo the blood work in the morning at the hospital near our home.  Yay! 

The next morning we took him in to get his blood work done believing that it would be higher and fine.  We left the hospital and went to pick up William at Grandmas house and go about our day.  While at Grandmas we got the call that it was back to 5 and we would be admitted to the hospital.  Thus began an entire week of Sammy in the hospital - below in gray are my exact notes and comments from that time...type in blue in added info from today...

Feb 20, 2009: We did treatment (we did IVIG through IV) last night. He was awake from midnight to four so I was awake until five. At 3am he threw up a ton of blood and clots. This morning his blood was at 7. Then just a moment ago he threw up a bunch of blood again. For now we aren't going anywhere until the bleeding stops and his levels come up (his nose keeps bleeding down his throat and we can't make it stop due to the low platelets). So if it doesn't rise we'll have to redo treatment tonight.  I forgot to mention on the first day they put a starter IV in his arm and blew the vein the first time.  It took a long time for the bruises on that hand to heal.   Also we were located on the cancer blood disorder floor at the children's hospital - definitely puts things in perspective for us!  Here is a photo of him in the hospital - if you could zoom in you would see the small red bruising on his face.

Feb 21, 2009:  No more vomiting blood since yesterday afternoon. He had another treatment last night and his levels are at 17 this morning. His spirits and appetite are better too. His hemoglobin is falling though so we have to stay another night and run the blood again tomorrow. So today we're just hanging out while they keep an eye on him. They want his level to be 30 to leave and his hemoglobin to come up since it's down to 8 and should be above 12. I'll keep you posted  (Note: I stayed nonstop with Sammy while there.  Sam watched William and would come and visit.  Sammy loved the little play room on the floor we were on and only wanted to eat the pizza they had.  We ordered pizza for breakfast even.)  
Well it went down hill around five. He had a nose bleed that wouldn't stop and bled for over half an hour gushing with clots. It was awful blood everywhere - him crying.  So they had to call the ENT and stuff his nose. Right before that he threw up again. This stuffing of the nose was incredibly traumatic for both of us.  It involved the ENT sucking the huge clots out of his nose and then packing some cotton stuff WAY up into his head while I and 3 other nurses held him down as he screamed in terror.  It was so hard to keep looking at him as he was so frightened and tell him that all would be okay.  The second it was done I looked away and cried.  But I did not let him see Mommy upset so he would know it was ok.  So let's just say this evening was really traumatic. It really shook me. His IV came out from all of the holding him down so we'll have to do that again in the morning. We redid the blood and it's back to 8.5. I'm pissed! So looks like a steroid treatment tomorrow and no going home. Who knows when we'll actually get home. I'm beat and haven't been getting food and water as I should be so Sam is here to stay the night tonight since it was so rough this evening. So much for on the mend.  He was very bruised after all this...

Sammy at the hospital  (the guy who was drawing blood brought him a TON of stickers since he had been poked so many times.  Here he is with all of them!)

Feb 23: He was better today but levels are still below 20 so we will repeat the blood work in the morning. At least he is acting normal and no more traumatic events and no treatments today.  Back down to 8. We start steroids today. No going home in sight for a few days.   He's doing well today. The packing of his nose definitely helped to stop the bleeding but that only holds in his nose for 2-5 days and today is day 2 so I hope it doesn't dissolve and start bleeding again. The steroids we started today should help him to not bleed as much. The steroids take 1 to 2 days to start to work and then when we wean off of them we may see a drop in his platelets again. If that happens there is one more treatment we could do. All of these treatment options are just temporary fixes until his body (mainly spleen and liver) fix themselves and stop killing off his platelets. We've learned that it can be a long road and will involve numerous blood tests over the next 6 months until he returns to normal. he's covered in bruises and petachie from all of this.

But considering we are on the cancer / blood disorder floor we by no means have it as rough as many of the children on this floor. His worst risk is internal bleeding or bleeding in his brain which is rare as long as he doesn't injure himself. Otherwise the risks are bleeding that won't stop and bruising. So we can be thankful that even though it's tough to deal with that it will eventually be under control and he will be ok.

So there you have it. Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. I've been doing well. Saturday was by far the worse ever but yesterday and today have been good except for the fact that his blood levels still suck.

Feb 24: So his numbers were 15 this morning and 19 this evening. They gave us the option of going home just a little while ago and I opted to stay the night and see what the numbers are in the morning. I'd rather be safe than sorry. So looks like we will probably be going home tomorrow morning. Yay! Now just pray they stay up and don't drop once the steroids are weaned or we may be back.  (In hindsight we should have just gone home... but lesson learned!)

Feb 25:  Ash Wednesday 2009 Sammy and I went to mass at the hospital and were released later that afternoon. 

Feb 26: His numbers were 24 yesterday morning. We go tomorrow for another blood test. He did have a nose bleed last night so we were up awhile last night trying to get it to stop. Hopefully the steroids will last until his body recovers on it's own.

Feb 27: His numbers were at 41 this morning so we are headed in the right direction. We begin to reduce the steroid amount today so I hope we don't see a decline in his numbers. We'll do bloodwork again on Thursday.

March 5: Got blood work done again today. His count is back down to 30. The doctor still wants to reduce the steroids a little bit and we'll do blood work again next. He said as long as we keep it above 20 we're good (good as in no hospital) and I have to keep watching for petechiae. Although it's still extremely low and he said that the steroids are just barely keeping him where he needs to be but of course Monday is 2 weeks on the steroids so we have to start to wean him off of them because of the bad long term effects.

March 10: We'll find out tomorrow. I'm taking him for bloodwork then. He had a nosebleed this morning that took me 45 minutes to get it to stop. That means holding it tight for 45 minutes plus going through tons of tissue. So that makes me think his numbers are still going down. Plus he's starting to look pale. Still no petechiae so that is a good thing. I suppose that means we're still above 20.

March 11: Ugh! Sammy was down to 11 today. So they are bumping the steroids up to full dose and we redo bloodwork on Friday to see where we are at. Luckily no hospital today. We'll give the steroids one more week and then if they aren't working we'll have to do the other treatment. This is such a pain in the butt! They did say if he has any more prolonged bleeding then to call them.

March 13: Up to an 18 today with the increased steroids. His normal doctor is out this week so they said to keep him on the high dose and retest on Monday. Poor Sammy and his arms! He only has two and we did the right on Wed and the left today. He won't be happy to hear he has to go again so soon. So we'll talk to his normal doctor on Monday about where to go from here. I won't keep him on the high dose of steroid past next week. It has too many bad side effects.

March 18: He was at 36 on Monday so they are keeping him at the high dose of steroids for now. We'll recheck on Monday. They were concerned that maybe they weaned too quickly last time so they will do it slower this time to see if his numbers drop again. If they do then we'll look at other options.

He had 2 nosebleeds Saturday, 1 on Sunday and 1 yesterday although the one yesterday only took 5 to 10 minutes to get to stop so that is a good sign. We have yet to see his numbers go above 41 so I'm hoping that continuing this high dose for a week will make him have a really high count.

On the bad side - he is gaining weight - his cheeks are so chubby and his belly is so big! He also is more prone to infection since the steroids are supressing his immune system and he doesn't act like the same kid on the steroids and we just want our Sammy back.

So it's just continues on.....

Sammy at the height of the steriods:

March 31: Last week he was up to 86 so they decided to wean him down. He now is only taking 2 doses a day and it's much less than before.

Today his blood came back at 36. So they said to stay on the same dose and check next week.

will this ever end????

April 7: We just got the blood work back today and Sammy’s level was at 344!  This is a huge surge from 36 last week and the normal range is 150-400.  He is normal-finally!  It could just be the steroids finally kicking in but it is the boost we needed and hopefully means he won’t need any more treatment.  We are weaning him to one dose of steroids a day with hopes of him being completely off it by next week.

God is good!!!! Hallelujah!  Praise the Lord – we are so ever thankful!  Thank you for all the continued prayers and support!

Now I don't remember if we did anymore blood tests after that but if so there weren't very many.  And then we moved and we were not told to get it checked again.  We were told he should be fine.

Fast forward to Ash Wednesday this year February 18th - Sammy is getting ready for bed and I notice petechiae all over him.  It was like a punch in the stomach.  I couldn't imagine going through it again let alone we are still paying off that hospital stay.  So the next day I took him to the pediatrician who confirmed it was most likely ITP again and sent us for blood work.  It came back at 11 and we were sent to the children's hospital all over again.  It was just like last year with him having a cold leading up to this and then it happening right at lent like last year.  So odd!  This doctor though couldn't believe that no one was following him and that we had not done any blood work since we moved here.  He suggested we do the WinRho treatment but we decided to wait the weekend and see.  The next day he was up to 17 and then a few days after that he was back at 12.  Then he went to 24 and then 48.  We have done zero treatment and have let his body do it's thing.  From there it went to 98 all within about a week.  Now this week it was back down to 64.  The hematologist here believes we should be followed for at least a year and he isn't sure yet if this is a recurrence or chronic.  So we continue to follow it.  Poor Sammy hates having his arm stuck but he's a trooper about it.  Mom and Dad have both gone with him and had ours done to show that everyone has to do it.  Let's hope that maybe his numbers are high again by Easter like last year.

Here's a recent photo of my sweet boy 

 

Battle Force 5...

Fight, fight, fight in the battle zone.... gotta fight to survive....battle force 5!  Or something like that is how the intro song to this new cartoon show goes.  It's Hot Wheels Battle Force 5 and it's all the rage in this house at the moment.  William LOVES it; Sammy likes it.  They are bummed that new ones only come on every Saturday so they watch the DVRd ones over and over and then go to the computer to play the games or watch the episodes online.  We've only been watching since January but it is the HOT thing in the house right now.  So much so that one day he decided to draw on his face with markers so he could look like Verb from the show!  Here is his masterpiece - Too bad I don't have the matching wrist communicator thing and William could tell you all about the buttons by his ear that you press and the computer screen comes up etc. etc.  Such a smart and imaginative kid!
 

 

And not to be left out Sammy had to draw on his face too.  Doesn't he look so fierce?

That night it was some extreme scrubbing to get the marker off their face.  Then for days to follow William would sneak off and draw on his wrist arm etc.  Oh the joy of boys....

I am NOT a blogger...

I am not a blogger, I am not a writer and I will not pretend to be.  But I am a mother to three darling little boys (monkeys).  My goal here is to record the funny, sad, angry moments of our life together as a family.  My thought is the only ones that will ever read this will be my boys when they are older.  So this is me sharing my life with boys....